Transcript for Hope This Finds Me Well Episode 2. Bella: Does Prom Exist in a Global Pandemic?
Bella If I’m going to peak in high school, what the hell am I gonna do with the rest of my life? [Bella & Maria & Steph laugh] If the best moments of my life are gonna be my senior prom, and my first graduation, what am I doing? I have maybe what, 80 more years on this earth. And that’s gonna be my best moment? [theme music fades in]
Sophie Shin Hey, you’re listening to Hope This Finds Me Well, a new podcast about the past and future versions of ourselves, and what we want to tell them. I’m Sophie and along with my cohosts, Steph and Maria —
Steph Colbourn Hello!
Maria Passingham Hiya!
Sophie Shin I talk to people who have written letters themselves, and scheduled them to arrive at some point in the future. Usually using this website Future Me that handles all these time capsules of words and emotions. So last time, we spoke to Marie from the Midwest, who reflected on so many changes her family and finances had seen over the previous two years. This episode, we’re zooming right in to a period of just one month. And we’re speaking to Bella who wrote herself one of the most honest and kind emails we’ve read. More on that in a bit. First, I want to find out if we all managed to write our own letters.
MP Ugh.
SC Ugh. [Maria & Steph & Sophie laugh]
MP Such positivity!
SC I wrote one and I felt like, ugh, I have to write this by tomorrow? Like I obviously left until the last minute. But I just you know, started with a description of the day because I was reading you know, the old Future Me letters, like we read through a bunch of Future Me letters, and a lot of people will be like, “It’s this date. You know, the weather is this outside.” or “It’s this date, I’m doing this or I’m sitting here or I’m listening to this.” So I started with that. And then I just wrote, and I honestly don’t even remember what I wrote about now. And it was like a page long.
SS That’s great.
MP That’s pretty cool. Yeah.
SC We’ll find out! [Maria laughs]
SS I feel like that’s the classic therapeutic brain dump, where you just kind of like, let things out and then leave them on the paper.
SC Yeah.
MP So for me, you know, as I said, last time, this wasn’t my first letter that I’ve written to myself in the future, but it was my first in a while actually. It also felt weird, honestly, I think because I was aware that this wasn’t just for me this time. And I kind of felt, I actually felt really awkward. Like, I was kind of watching myself do it as I wrote it. And like thinking, this isn’t really interesting, but carry on, because I haven’t got anything interesting to say. And then suddenly, like it was just like, just so much stuff just came out. And it was actually really long.
SS Maria just threw up in the middle of writing her letter. [Sophie & Maria laugh]
MP So yeah, it was odd. It felt awkward, but actually, I think it kind of also got a bit personal. So that’s hopefully interesting. And maybe I’ll reveal some of it. We’ll see.
SS I love that.
MP Sophie?
SS I did and it was weird. I will say it didn’t feel natural, and it felt slightly forced. But I did it. I did it.
SC Did you have moments where you were like stopping yourself from continuing writing and being like, what am I writing about? Or did it like flow once you started?
SS It flowed. It felt like I was literally writing a letter and I was gonna like, seal it up and send it to someone. I didn’t feel like I was like trying to write a novel or something and that I couldn’t stop. I guess I tried to have that like, very usual letter format, greeting, some things on my mind and then like an outro.
SC Greetings? [Sophie & Marie laughs]
SS Greetings future self! [Sophie laughs]
MP So I guess we’re not going for the published, this isn’t the memoir that’s gonna come out?
SS Well, yeah, this would be the part in the memoir, where it’s like, I’m still trying to figure my shit out. And like, I don’t have it all together, and then they can see my character development.
MP Okay, nice.
SC Love it.
MP It was quite sad how a lot of people in their letters, and I don’t know if we’ll have subconsciously done this. But people are pretty mean to themselves. And they’ll berate themselves in these letters, or like put themselves down and for something that is only going to be seen by you, I find that really sad.
SS Yeah, I also think it just speaks to our like, general human behavior of being your own worst critic in a way, like, I feel like a lot of your insecurities are things that you think you don’t love about yourself, are things that people aren’t even thinking about, not because they’re not thinking about you, but they’re just like, not even like, in their minds, like only you can really notice the acne on your face, you know? But I agree I did. I did read a lot of letters where people were, were quite cruel to themselves. And it’s sad that that’s our instinct to kind of go there.
SC I think like also, and you know, I bring this up all the time, but like, there’s no way to like exist within capitalism without feeling like you need to be constantly like, progressing or like bettering or like, you know, tracking your progress or something. And I think it’s especially bad right now. Productivity, culture and all that and, you know, these letters as much as they’re like self reflections also are like existing in this world where, you know, we’re upset with this idea, how can I be better? Will I be better? Am I good enough? That automatically comes out every time we talk to ourselves. But I do want to say that like Bella is like, you know, younger than all of us and talking to her, reading her letter. She’s just like so much better that us. [Steph & Maria laugh] She has realized, you know, like to be kind to herself, and how to, like, operate in a world and be like self loving, and you can get that from her letter.
SS Totally. And that’s a perfect segue. Bella. When she read her letter, like I felt it, I felt what she was saying to herself, but like, in my own way. You heard her at the start of the episode. So let’s just meet her because you will all instantly fall in love with her.
Bella My name is Bella. I’m 18. I live in Utah. I’ve lived in Utah pretty much my entire life. It’s kind of boring here. I graduated high school last semester with my associate’s degree. And I’m now in college for my bachelor’s in psychology. I really like people. They’re just about my favorite thing. We’re so interesting. I don’t know, everyone’s so unique to themselves. [Bella chuckles]
SS So Bella, wrote this letter back in April, when the US was about a month or so into this pandemic. Remember those days? [Sophie laughs] So life was obviously pretty turbulent, uncertain at the time. So, I wanted to know, is that why Bella chose to write herself like at that time, or was it just to kind of get her thoughts out on a page?
Bella In my college career preparedness class, we were writing letters in February before everything got really crazy to ourselves in May before we graduated, and it was just like a list of things we completed, I was like, Oh my gosh, this would be really fun to do like kind of a journal, just to kind of see how things change.I remember reading my letter from February and March and being like, Oh, my gosh, I cannot believe how much has just changed. It was so different. And so in March, I brought a letter to myself from March to April, and then I got this one in May.
“To the lovely Bella, Happy 420. I’m so sorry, but I can’t help it. This morning you slept in yet again despite waking up on time. You were quite frustrated until you open your email and found your letter from March 23rd. As your friend said, you have a way with words and the letter made you cry, twice. After sharing with your friends, you realized you needed to write the next one. First things first, one, yes, things did get worse. Utah broke 3000 cases, 27 plus deaths and you have been stuck at home for five weeks. You risked it for mochi, but you brought your mask and deeply sanitized for it. Two, I’m doing okay, I’m yet to get sick, thank God. Prom and senior all-nighter were canceled and graduation is postponed. It’s been hard to accept but you’ve come to terms with it. You have regular calls with your friends and through the power of being petty got UCAS to somewhat take care of the senior class. They’re still doing pretty shit, though. Three, you’ve got a job. What a relief. It’s risky, but you need the money for school next semester. I hope we don’t regret this. It has been really hard the last month or so. But you have managed to live with it. Somehow things don’t feel too drastically different. I feel unbelievably blessed right now to have both parents able to work from home. We are incredibly lucky. The last letter you wrote was so heartbreaking. It was a rough refresher of how terrible the first week of all of this was. But it made me feel a lot better about how I’m doing. It’s hard to not feel like you’re constantly failing in times like this, but not to be redundant. You’ve made it, you’ve done it again, parentheses read in Michelle Obama’s voice, close parentheses. I hope this serves as a reminder that you seem to never stop going. No matter how difficult things get. You always managed to find a way to pull through and honestly, that’s kind of magical. I hope you know that you’re worth it and that you’re kind and loving and capable. Everything you do is worth something and that’s fantastic. Please never stop doing what you’re doing. My questions for you now are —
SC Oh my God, I’m gonna cry.
SS I know, I’m literally crying.
Bella “My questions for you now are one, is it all over yet? Twp, did we regret the job? Three, are you okay? Did you get sick? I really hope you don’t. I also have some questions for future insert long list of friends names. One, are you happy? Two, are you doing okay? Three, this one isn’t a question. I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you. As always, know that I love you no matter what and that you truly deserve to be happy. Take care of everyone. Never stop checking in on them and ensuring that they are thriving too. With hope, love, and with whatever emotion is left in you, Bella.”
SS I think it’s fair to say we all had some pretty strong emotional reactions. Can you please write a letter to me? That is exactly what I needed to hear right now. [Bella laughs]
SC Maria, are you crying?
MP I’m not crying. My heart is racing. It’s emotional. But it’s also like, it’s like strong. Like, you’ve got like, strength in yourself, right? There’s such like fluctuations in the sort of emotions you’re going through in that letter and I don’t, I don’t think you can hear it and not sort of feel those too.
SS Yeah. Was there a reason you wanted to write this? Like, did it just come over you? And you’re like, I need to say these things to myself. So I can remind myself or is it was it just like, okay, it’s been a month, I want to, I want to write to myself again?
Bella I try to take care of myself. And I know that sometimes, I just need to hear those kinds of things from myself. Because, you know, things were so uncertain, and they’re still a little uncertain now. Things have been very chaotic. But being able to remind myself that things are gonna be okay, I knew that that was gonna be helpful, no matter what was going on the next month.
SS And did you feel that when you received it?
Bella Oh, yeah. When I opened the letter from March, it was such a sad letter to myself, I felt so horrible. It made me cry, just because I realized how much had happened, and how uncertain things were the first week that everything was shut down. And then I don’t know, I kind of thought, if this is going to happen again in May, I need to take care of myself, I know that reading that letter had so much effect on me, then reading the next one, might as well have the same effect, I could try to recreate that in a positive way.
SC So you took like the the negativity you felt from your original letter, and were like, I need to have this same strength of emotion and like conviction, but in a positive way to tell myself you know, it will get better kind of thing.
Bella Yeah.
SC I have like a random question. I’m just curious, do you have like a mantra practice or something? [Bella laughs] Because this letter to me is like something very — and I know you said you’re, like, interested in people and like psychology and stuff like that. But do you have like experience with like, mantras, or like any sort of like cognitive behavioral therapy?
Bella I always try to do mantras, and I can never get into the habit of it. It’s so awful. I’ll be like, Okay, this week’s gonna be different. I’m going to tell myself these mantras, it’s going to be so good. And I’m going to be so positive and happy. And then like, two days later I forget. That’s it.
SC I also can’t get into mantras, every time I say them, I’m like, this seems ridiculous. [Maria laughs]
MP That’s the attitude!
SS For some reason, like hearing someone else say it, it almost is like, a little easier for you to, to believe in a way, even though you’re reading that letter to yourself just now, like, there are so many things that — oh my God, this is gonna sound so cheesy — but that I’ve needed to hear myself and I guess hearing someone else say it, I don’t know it just like it hits a little deeper than if you were to like, kind of write it to yourself, because like, your therapist made you write it. [Bella laughs] My therapist makes me write a lot of that kind of stuff to myself. And I almost never believe it. But just for some reason seeing someone else say it to themselves. I’m like, yeah! I get that.
SC I wonder if that happens. To some extent, though. Also, in writing a letter to your future self, where it’s like, it’s not yourself in that moment that’s reading it. But it’s like a different version of you that’s telling you something. You know, in the way that it’s easier to hear your friends mantras and be like, “Oh, yeah, that’s beautiful. I’m going to tell myself that” you give yourself the same sort of like, slack, when it’s a past version of you telling yourself something beautiful.
SS Totally
Bella Knowing that maybe the only way I was going to get the kind of comfort that was going to be really positive and helpful was going to be from myself. You know, those letters are really a form of self care.
SC Did you feel that while writing them? Like did you have any sort of like release while writing them? Or do you think it was in receiving the like assurance from an actor that you got that feeling?
Bella All the COVID stuff at all, that was definitely a giant like weight on my shoulders made things really, really hard to focus on. And just be straightforward, focus on my school and do things. But writing the letters really took that off, it was just a place where I could put it on, forget about it per month, just be able to relax for a second.
SC I also love the idea of like a past self being kind to a future self. Like I just think that’s so nice, because like we’re just all so hard on ourselves all the time, especially right now when the world is literally exploding. It’s so nice to think that you had the clarity in that moment to recognize that the thing that you would need is to be nice to yourself.
SS Yeah. Keep doing that. Bella that is like something I’ve been paying a lot of money in therapy to try and do. And you got it figured out pretty early. So run with that.
MP And also, I think if we all do it in Michelle Obama’s voice, that’s always gonna be helpful, right? [Maria & Bella laugh] One thing that stuck out to me was that, so like, really near the beginning of the letter, you I mean, you don’t even like mention, what really is happening in the world like explicitly in that first paragraph, but then like you answer your questions. And we all just instantly know when you say yes, it did get worse. We’re all like, I know what this is about. And I found that really striking. And also, like, sad, really, that we’re able to, like, instantly tell what’s going on in your life because of that one sentence. How did you how did you feel when you read that back? Because you didn’t include the question, but obviously, you’re you, so you know what question you asked yourself.
Bella It’s so hard to put it into words. It’s just there’s so much going on, and so many terrible things happening all at once. Yeah, like you’re saying it is really sad that we can read, yes, it got worse and all know that we’re talking about COVID and the state of the countries and all that stuff. I don’t — it’s just crazy. I don’t know how to say it.
SS I was curious as to like how you felt, it seems like, obviously, this was your graduating year from high school. How was that throughout all this? Like, I can’t even like not that I actually necessarily enjoyed my prom or liked high school that much. But that was just me. I know, a lot of people are very different. But I still think missing those like milestone, quote unquote, moments would be shitty, and like hard and like kind of unsatisfying way to like end the year.
Bella Oh, gosh. So when everything was closing down, it was probably the second week into virtual school. They just sent us one message. Just one and they were like “Graduation, postpone. Prom, cancelled. Senior all-nighter, cancelled.”
SC Oh my gosh!
Bella No sympathy. There is no like “We’re so sorry to tell you..” it was just like “Prom, cancelled. Senior all-nighter, cancelled.” And me and my friends were sitting there talking about it. Like, oh my god, what did we just read it? Did they really just tell us like that. So it was really rough at first because you know, they put so much emphasis like this is your senior prom. This is, you know, this is the end of the 12 years in the K through 12. You know, this is gonna be monumentous. It’s so important. And then just hearing that was kind of soul crushing at first. And then it took me a little while to think about it and cope with it. And then I decided, if I’m going to peak in high school, what the hell am I gonna do with the rest of my life? [Steph & Maria laugh] If the best moments of my life are gonna be my senior prom, and my first graduation, what am I doing? I have maybe what, 80 more years on this earth and that’s gonna be my best moment? [Bella & Maria laugh] I think that’s what saved my mentality. I was like, it’s fine. I can live without a dance. I had a bunch of other dances. I’ll have a graduation when I finished my other schooling. I can live through it. I just wish they had been kinder about it, just gentler.
SS Yeah, they build that up for you, like you said for 20 years to be like this very, in reality, it’s not that cool. Usually, it’s just like bad food and you get to dance with your friends, but they like, built it up for you. And then it’s like one email. It’s like getting broken up with over email. It’s like — [Maria & Bella laugh]
Bella It was just frustrating because they just never acted like they cared. And I brought that up in the letter, me and my my two really close friends. We were so upset about it. We created a whole anonymous Gmail account, and emailed. [Bella & Maria laugh]
SC Wow.
Bella We emailed the heads of the school a really lengthy like letter, talking about how disappointed we were. [Bella laughs]
SS Good for you!
Bella We were so proud of it. It was so lengthy and like detail, then we’re just like, “We’re so disappointed in you. You just don’t care about the senior class. You don’t recognize how much we’re going through right now. And you just don’t care.” And the day after we send that email, we got an email from the principal being like, “Senior class of 2020! We’re so proud of you! Oh my gosh, you guys!” And it was this long letter. Like we’re so proud of you and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was we laughed so hard. [Bella laughs]
SC Ouff, she’s so great, like fighting on behalf of her whole class to get respect and even just a sign of like, emotional support, like, so cool. I’m obsessed with her. I think it also shows just like how Bella is an amazing human who writes compassionate letters to herself, but then she’s also thinking about how others are treated to like, you can hear it in her letter. She’s like talking to her friends and asking questions about them. And I don’t know, she’s so thoughtful.
MP Yeah, I think that became even clearer when Sophie asked her the next question.
SS Also, we should probably just mention here that we spoke to Bella, before the US election happened in November. So obviously, things have changed. So while a lot of what she’s about to say is definitely still true. If we were having this conversation now, it would probably be a little different?
SC Maybe.
SS I have a question. I mean, it’s not really in your letter. But well, Maria is in England, and Steph and I are in Canada. So we don’t know what it’s like to be in the States and the States is like, such like a, I don’t know, I feel like everyone’s looking at the States right now and being like, “What the fuck?” like things are bad where we live, but we see sometimes in the States, and we’re like, okay, we don’t have it that bad. What’s it like being a young person in the United States right now?
Bella It is so hectic to be in. You know, in a time, where so many we’re so split. We’re very, very, very deeply divided. And it’s kind of hard. I have stopped being friends with some people, just because they were so hateful. I can’t even describe it. It’s like there’s a point, people will always say like, “Oh, you can be friends with people with different opinions.” But like, things like racism and homophobia aren’t opinions. That’s prejudice. And if you aren’t willing —
SS Ugh, yes!
Bella If you aren’t willing to acknowledge that you’re hurting real people, just like you, then I don’t want to talk to you. There are so many closed minded people. I think that’s the hardest thing right now. They’ll even claim to be so religious, and so holy and righteous. And then turn to someone and call them racial slurs and be like “You’re gross, you don’t matter. You don’t matter.” Like you or not, like, I just don’t know how I’m not even a religious person. But I grew up religious. So I know enough about the Bible to be like, you are — Jesus would hate you. [Maria & Bella & Sophie laugh]
SS Yo, Jesus would hate you. That’s what I’m going to use next time anyone says anything shitty. I’m like “did you know Jesus would actually hate you?”
Bella It’s like, when we’re in times like this, there’s just no room to be closed minded. You have a phone and you have Google, most people do. And you can read, you can read about how your opinions are, you know, hurting people, you can read about systemic racism. And you can read about how trans youth in Utah are four times more likely to attempt suicide. Like you are, it’s not, you can’t pretend to be a good person, and you can’t pretend to care and love about people, and then go around and hurt them so deeply, that they turn to horrible things like suicide. It’s not good. It’s so horrible. It’s like, I want to talk to you. I like people, I don’t want to be mean to you. And I don’t want to not be friends with you. But there’s a line. And that’s what you have to think about. It’s like what is politics doing to us? What is our country doing to us? Why are you thinking like that? And usually they can’t even come up with an answer. Like, oh, why do you think that? It’s just because, they always go “Oh, well, well, because, um” there’s no, there’s no reason.
SS Bella, I would listen to a podcast of yours. [Bella laughs]
Bella Thank you.
MP We’re living it Sophie! [Bella laughs]
SS By the way, if you just heard that stat from Bella about suicide rates among trans youth in Utah, and we’re as horrified as me and want to do some more reading, we have some resources for you. We weren’t able to verify the exact figure that she mentioned offhand. But we have compiled a list of useful studies, websites and orgs where you can donate we’ll be sure to share these at the end of the episode and obviously will be in our show notes.
SC I will say also, like if you’re like willing to talk about it, Utah is kind of a special place within the states. I have very special bubble — I don’t know if it’s a bubble but you know —
Bella It is a bubble.
SC As far as states go.
Bella Yeah, thing is that people will be like you need to understand the people around you, right? That’s like, I understand that they’re so unwilling to be open minded and learn about the other side that I know enough already, and people in Utah especially, they like to pretend that we’re very, very perfect. That’s a definitely that it’s a heavy culture here, the pressure to be perfect. And you know, you walk around perfect suburbs, that perfect family with five kids and two parents and a dog. And, you know, people really, really think that’s the only way you can live. So it’s kind of hurtful to live in a place that is so bubbled and protected, that when a lot of these Utah kids grow up, they don’t know what to do in a world that, you know, they’re so protected, they don’t know what is happening. And it’s just when you raise kids in a bubble, you protect them from nothing, you’re making it harder for them to be an adult, you know, when they grow up and go to college, they’re gonna meet all these different people from all different backgrounds, and they’re not gonna know how to handle it. And that’s what you’re taught does to a lot of kids. It’s really unfortunate.
SS I mean, talking to someone like you, a young person, like you restores my faith in America, in a way. I don’t know, it’s so easy from us from the outside to be like, “America’s shit, like, what are they doing?” but there’s so many beautiful people, beautiful young people in the States, I don’t know, it’s nice to talk to one of them.
Bella Thank you.
SC And I think the idea of living in a singular version of perfection creates a lot of self hatred when you are like not able to fit into that mold. And you know, you don’t have to be like queer or, you know, have an adopted kid and three from a different marriage to be outside of that, you can just simply feel like you’re not good enough. And it’s clear, even in your letter that you’ve like, done a lot of thinking on how to take care of yourself and those negative thoughts. And I think that’s really beautiful, and something we can all learn from.
Bella Thank you.
SS Bella told us that since this letter was delivered in May, she’s written a few more. One arrived in June, one arrived in July, which she didn’t even remember sending. I guess that happens to everyone. [Sophie & Maria laugh] And then she took kind of like a summer hiatus, I guess. But she wants to carry on periodically, like kind of like a ad hoc journal.
SC Yeah. In this letter that Bella read to us. She asked herself a few specific questions.
Bella One, is it all over yet? Two, did we regret the job? Three, are you okay? Did you get sick? I really hope you don’t.
SC But she also had received a few other letters by the time we talked to her. And you know, I wanted to know, did she answer those questions in the next letter in the one that arrived in June?
Bella Oh, yes, I did. I answered. And I said, “No, it’s not all over yet. Unfortunately, we live in a country run by quite possibly the dumbest people to walk the earth. Not only is it not over, it’s worse than it was in the beginning. Utah’s beginning to have more cases than some countries, entire countries.”
MP Wow.
Bella And then the second question I answered, I said, “Yes, we regretted the job. A lot. People were horrible. And you left within the first week over the unbearable management and fear of getting sick, you decided it wasn’t worth the risk.” The third question I answered, I said, “I’m okay. A little scared, sometimes melancholy. But you’ve also been able to still have lots of enjoyable moments. Your summer has been interesting. You finally got the piano you’ve always wanted. You got attacked by a poor kitty, who was scared because they were lost and you found them. Had several problems with your school over diplomas and yearbooks, but had lots of movie nights, beautiful bike rides, and fun yet careful hang outs with your friends.”
MP That sounds dreamy.
SC These questions to your friends too. I’m like, my heart. I’m gonna take them and go follow up with my friends after. [Bella laughs]
SS Are you happy? Are you doing okay? I love you! [Bella laughs]
MP Can you tell us about the piano? Is that something that you’ve wanted to start with for ages? Or have you like always practiced at school or something, and you had to sort of bring it in house?
Bella So when I was little, all my friends were forced to learn how to play the piano. So I always was like, the piano is gross. The piano is awful. And then I became a teenager. And I was like, wow, I really wish I could read notes. Why is that a skill I don’t have? I don’t know. And so I got a keyboard for my birthday. Just a little dinky one. I don’t know. It was really, really crappy. Okay, that’s a good start. And then our friends down the street was moving and he didn’t want to bring his whole piano so he just gave it to us. We didn’t even have to buy it. So now we have a piano and I’ve been learning to play that, that’s how I spent a lot of the summer. I’m sure my siblings are annoyed, but okay.
SC It’s worth it. I just feel like you’re living the COVID reality that like in March when everyone was like, “I’m gonna learn an instrument!” and like all this stuff and it’s like, “I need to be kind to myself!” but it’s like you’re actually doing things that I just want to like high five you and I hope that you you feel that about yourself because we obviously all feel that about you.
Bella Thank you!
SS And you’re taking psych right?
Bella Mhm!
SS Oh my god, okay, when you graduate, can you be my therapist? [Maria & Bella laugh]
MP I knew that was coming!
Bella Of course.
SS Can I get that in writing that you will be my therapist once you graduate? You don’t even need your PhD. Like it’s fine. I just want to talk to you. [Bella laughs]
Bella For sure, I’d talk to you just for fun, you guys are all so sweet.
SS Oh my God! Have we made a lifetime friendship out of this?
SC Yeah.
MP So every Thursday night right? [Bella laughs]
SS Yeah, yeah.
SS Maybe I came off a little too strong to Bella with the whole “be my therapist thing” but like I don’t know, like I haven’t felt inspired by someone like that in a long time. Like there’s something just more inspiring about cool young people, that is just like I don’t know it gives you a little bit of hope. And she was just so loving like, yeah, I just want to be her best friend or yeah again.
MP I think you got to choose whether you want to be her best friend or her client because that could make for a tricky relationship. [Maria laughs]
SS Fix me Bella! Fix me! [Sophie & Steph laugh]
SC I mean I hope people listening get some hope in this weird time in the world because we definitely got that from Bella.
MP Yeah, and like Sophie you said that hearing her say those kind words to herself even though they were to hurt like impacted you. So hopefully you listening can also have the same experience where just listen to her repeat that on a loop just keep skipping back 15 seconds because we all need to hear people just say “You’re doing amazing. I’m proud of you.” And all that stuff. We need all those affirmations.
SS Bella will give you all the mantras you need.
SS Thank you so much to Bella for talking to us and for being such a good human, a young, inspiring human, telling us all what we need to hear in times of crisis or really any day. We wish you all the luck with your studies. [theme music fades in] In this episode, we mentioned mental health and the suicide rates in the trans community. If you are struggling, you can contact the Trans Lifeline at 1–877–565–8860. If you are cis ally, please consider donating to trans Lifeline or a trans organization in your community. If you’re in Utah, you can find support at or give support to Utah Pride Center, Encircle, Genderbands, Transgender Education Advocates of Utah and Mama Dragons. You can find links to all of these in the show notes alongside some more useful resources and studies. Hope This Finds Me Well is an editaudio original production, hosted and produced by me, Sophie Shin, Steph Colbourn and Maria Passingham, and made with help from our amazing editaudio team. Thank you so much. The music is from Audio Network, and we could not have put this together without the help from Matt at Future Me. You can visit futureme.org to write your own letter. And if you have one you recently received and you’d like to talk to us about it, email us at hello@editaud.io. The email address is also going to be in the show notes. [theme music plays alone for 3 seconds, ends]
